Love Fades 011617

 

As this desire for love fades from me

Fades from me again,

I stand looking over the great chasm

Of a solitary life.

 

I used to be afraid of living alone,

Of dying alone

When the doctor said, “I’m sorry, Mr. K.

But the treatment has been ineffective.

It is time to make your peace.”

 

I, used to be afraid of not being able

To care for myself

In the last months, weeks, days.

I’m not afraid anymore.

 

Death comes when she is ready

Ready to take you on your journey.

I, no longer want someone to squeeze my hand

As that heavenly angel closes my eyes

And steals my soul,

Leaving a helpless lover behind.

Death only brings pain to the survivors.

 

I, have given up on the fantasy

Of finding true love.

Meeting that one person who completes you,

As if there was something missing from you all along.

 

I am complete without another

Without another’s touch

Another’s laughter

Another’s smile

Speaking gentle, calming words

In the middle of a dark and stormy night.

 

I will survive the night

Without her words

The sun will rise

Whether or not I wake

Cradled in my true love’s arms.

 

I’ve tasted love

On serene shores,

Like a picnic

On a warm spring day

Under an angel oak

With a girl whose face

I’ve forgotten.

 

I try to remember her

but she is featureless

No eyes, no nose,

No tender smile

Softly formed

On the corners of her lips

Her laughter muffled

Within a missing mouth.

 

This is my picture of love.

Idyllic from the distance

A gurgling faceless creature up close

I, no longer want it to complete me

But its strangeness still quietly calls,

Like a fading memory.

 

Soon, soon its call will be forgotten.

And I will take a step from the ledge.

Falling, falling swiftly into the chasm.

Trusting, trusting that my landing will be peaceful

In the green, green valley

Of solitude.

 

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About oxrider

Mr. Winter has written novels, books of poetry and short stories, and books on acting. He has written over three dozen plays, winning the S.C. Playwright’s Festival. His inventive theatrical work has been seen in the US and Europe. A.F. Winter has been acting, teaching, and directing, for over 30 years. He created a theatre which worked with at-risk youth giving them positive alternatives in their lives. Please visit his website at AFWinter.com. View all posts by oxrider

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