loved love

I have someone whom I loved,

love.

 

she is not far away,

nearly.

 

I only think of happy times,

sadly.

 

dead words 02/2020

dead words on a page

 

i liked them so much better

when they were in my mind.

they danced, they jumped

they changed

as i tried to get them right.

 

They begged me to write them down,

But when I did,

They were empty, ugly, and dead,

Frozen in time and space,

In an effort to be validated.

 

Words part 2

I used to know what love is.

But now I count my steps

And watch my calories.

God only gives us,

what we can handle.

 

Jack-o’-lanterns

Two plastic jack-o’-lanterns

From the Halloween two months ago

Face each other on the coffee table.

 

I did not put them out then,

To invite the little princesses and goblins to visit.

They sat inside where they sit now.

 

I have not touched them since I bought them.

Why haven’t I put them away?

I pass them many times a day.

 

I look at them.

And berate myself.

“It is no longer Halloween.

It is almost Christmas,

Why won’t you put them up?

They don’t belong here!”

 

My shoes have grown roots.

I can no longer pass.

I stare, transfixed at the sagging shapes

In muted orange.

 

They watch each other as I watch them,

Unable to move.

Unable to welcome others or

Give curious happiness

For a moment or two.

 

If I 092819

If I spent my whole life with you,

And you died before me,

I would become

Angry, bitter, hateful,

Cursing the heavens

And the earth as well.

Forgetting all joyous memories

In the torturous present

Until my poor heart broke

And I was tortured in my solitude

No more.

 

We only spent a few years together

And I still mourn

For what might have been.

 

Sometimes life is kind

in its cruelty.

 

my lies 082619

I sit up high

in my broom broom moving boom

hands upon the turny bop bop beeper

but all I see is what I see

and all my thoughts are reruns

from the ones who passed before.

 

I walk my woofer happily

saying eww eww icky poo.

but my heart doesn’t feel

and my mind cannot comprehend

a thing as simple as its own end.

so I make up ties and cries and sighs

but all the things I know, are lies.

 

There is an end

to comprehend

with only never afters.

no darkness or light

to try to fight

no struggles nor pains nor laughters.

 

I Sleep in Green Grinch Boxers 081019

I sleep in green Grinch boxers,

Ten years old.

They are more of a suggestion

Than an actual covering.

I don’t know why I still keep them,

Oh yes, I do!

 

I lay in bed

Jiggling my belly

Trying to make it

Make those weird

Gurgling noises.

Then I gurgle back

As if we are talking about

The weather.

 

I fart.

I belch.

I scratch with reckless abandon.

 

Within the last month,

A friend lost her father.

A friend lost his wife.

A friend lost her daughter.

A friend lost her life.

 

Life gives us the opportunity

To laugh at ourselves.

And celebrate our stupidity.

We are way too serious

After we are gone.