Category Archives: Loneliness

Ireland in Black & White Excerpt #1

From Ireland in Black and White

Photography Sam Beckett

Poetry by A.F. Winter

A tree so covered with vines
The tree disappears
But the tree remains.
I thought my love for you had gone
But love remains.

 

Available at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1978053266/

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Ireland in Black and White

A new book published today.

A collaboration between myself and Sam Beckett,

A friend that I met on my recent trip to Ireland.

Sam took the photos.

I wrote the poetry.

List Price: $19.95

8.25″ x 8.25″ (20.955 x 20.955 cm)
Black & White on White paper
220 pages

ISBN-13: 978-1978053267
ISBN-10: 1978053266
BISAC: Photography / General

Photos of Ireland in black and white. Take away color from the Emerald Isles and what remains are images, hauntingly and evocative. Areas featured in this book are Dublin, Wicklow County, the Hook Peninsula, Killarney, the Killarney National Park, and Dingle Bay.

 

To view the title, please go to:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1978053266/


I’ll Know 10/28/2017

I’ll know

I no longer love you

When my phone rings

And I no longer hope

For it to be you

But I do.

For now I do.

 

I’ll know

I no longer love you

When I no longer need

To hold a pillow

When I fall asleep

But I do.

For now I do.

 

For now I do.

A phone, a bed

A breakfast plate

For now I do.

A book, a song

A broken date

For now I do.

 

For now I do

A hidden hope

Inside a prayer

For now I do

As days rush on

And chances fade

For now I do.

 


S.B. 100517

I met Sam in O’Donoghue’s

Nursing my mushroom soup and Guinness.

And listening to the pensioners playing familiar tunes.

It was cool outside and I had no desire

To leave the warm, joyful atmosphere

Created by rich food, cool stout and Irish music.

 

He brought one of the musicians a cider

And sat down at the table next to mine.

At the end of the song, he turned to me and asked,

“Are you American?”

“Yes,” I answered. “Are you Irish?”

He warmly laughed.

 

We talked for hours

About politics, and literature, and love.

Because all politics and literature

Come from love.

 

He talked about his several marriages,

And of the children he’s lost touched with,

A smile never left his lips.

I told him of my broken heart

That’s never healed.

A smile never breached my lips.

 

Sam sat back in his chair

And finished off his pint.

“All my mistakes were glorious,

Glorious and unforgettable.”

“My mistakes were just mistakes,” I  sadly smiled.

“That’s all they ever were.”

 

“Yes, but weren’t they all lovely?” He grinned.

I had another drink of my stout

Before I said, “Yes, I believe they were.”


Moving On 09/23/17

An empty space left unfulfilled,

Is covered by the past.

One cannot move beyond the pain,

With memories that last.

 

I know that suffering will fade

When tears have been replaced

With soft kind eyes,

A joyful laugh,

A gentle, smiling face.


the ghosts of hope

the ghosts of hope

continue to continue

although my desire for them

has long ago dwindled

into unrecognizable forms

stealing softly like the mists

of early december

after thanksgiving

before the new year

when hope is strong

but never tidy

 

I stand under the tall pines

as they change from green to black

in an ever darkening sky

dripping with twilight and moisture

the sound of thunder far, far away

heralds the darkness and rain

 

this road is both familiar and frightening

I have traveled it many times before

thinking I was on another trip

another’s trip

but it was always my own

and I return to what has passed

on an ever darkening path

with shadows of my past

 


Cafe Americano

She asked me if I found what I was looking for on the lonely green hills of Ireland. I smiled one of those sad smiles I’ve grown accustomed to wearing in recent years.

No, I said, it was never there to be found.

I looked into her kind face that used to smile more freely.  She turned away.

I turned away as well, directing my attention to my Cafe Americano, a thin band of foam clinging desperately to the rim of the now empty cup.

So you didn’t find yourself? She asked smiling, sensing it was safe to continue, gently chiding my empty reasons for returning to the emerald isles.

I was never there either, not completely.  An empty shell, wandering, looking, hoping.  Eventually disappointed in my quest and in myself.  Returning to the old ways without epiphany.

Epiphanies usually take longer than a week.

The build up, yes. The preparation could take a lifetime.  The actual moment, instantaneous. Like seeing your true love’s face, her smile.

She turned away from me again.  Her smile no longer mine. And I turned back to my Cafe Americano.  The thin band of foam, now dried, encrusted, fossilized in its desire to return to a happier past, a completion no longer its own, a warm, creamy, bitter cup of coffee.